I'm really really panicking now.

Exams are coming down fast and hard and it will all be over in 3 weeks.

These 3 weeks are supremely crucial. All the effort and sacrifices in the past 3 months count for nothing if I screw up in the last moment.

It's so fast as compared to A levels. I barely have time to conceptualise anything. Before I know it, my first exam is next week.

It's crazy, insane and too much is at stake. I'm confident I can get into Banking and Finance now. Financial management didn't turn out as confusing as I thought. Their tests were not as thorough as I thought. That leaves us business law, information technology and accounting.

I'm confident of accounting because I studied rigorously for mid-terms already, though the recent test wasn't a true assessment of how hard exams will be. I will be careful not to underestimate AA101.

As for business law, I still can't come to grip with contract law. I need days of focus on it, till I feel confident. It's definitely my worst subject now.

And come to information technology. I'm not confident that business plan would guarantee me any good marks, so I have to do very very well for the finals as a safeguard. It's a good thing I now know what to study and it's not as terrible as I thought when I read the textbook.

Although it has been a good term and I have done pretty well for most of the tests, heavy weightage still lies within the final exams. Screw this up, and I'm going to screw up my GPA.

Bottom line, it's time to go all out.

Should we call ourselves slave or master to love? Our celebrated mystery element always had the mischief of placing people in the wrong situations for the most irrational reasons.

It is love that society promises to redeem us, yet it is love too that make us make the mistakes in the first place. So how do we find our proper place? Is there a balanced approach we can take?

Unfortunately, no such manner exists. You fall in love precisely because you heed no warnings and precautions a reasonable man would assume. You can't get out of a poor relationship even though you know it's harming your body, soul and family, until maybe when things blow over.

I offer no suitable advice for those that are torn. I'm particularly disgusted at facades, particularly soothing encouragement when you know it's not so easy. Instead, I offer company and empathy at trying to imagine what pain you are going through.

I will only sit next to you and try to distract you. The steps, in the end, are yours to take.

How has life caused things to be so complicated? Are we the culprits behind this maelstorm? Then truly, we are merely awaiting the wrath of the storm to consume us. Is there no divine intervention to tell us "It's alright. It's going to be a happy ending." in the end?

I have found solace in recent days by running in the dead of night. When one's body is fatigued and blood is rushing through the veins, it becomes easier to know that you are still alive, and it becomes a temporary relief from the numb of everyday. However, no such escapism can ever last. If I wanted to get through this, I know I must fall in love again, albeit cleverly this time.

It is also ironic that while we crave so hard for another companion, people around us everyday too crave for one. Then, why is it that we are not instantaneously drawn to each other?

Is it fear? Surely, the rewards are worth the risks. What, then, is the veil that separates us from our dreams?

As I encounter more souls down the road, I notice nothing but misguided relationships and unhappy solitude. Perhaps, redemption still lies way ahead and we all still have a lot of catching up to do.

Nothing interesting, no purpose, no one special to talk to, no one to love.

Nothing new. No CCA. No hall life. No new friends.

No new skills. No new goals. No new try-outs.

No chalet sessions. No outings. No clubs. No supper nights. No KBox.

Lonely nights. Inconfidence. Stress. Self-loathing. Discrimination. Hatred. Despice. Fear. Shyness.

This wasn't what I wanted 2 years ago.

In the end, it's just who stabs the hardest.

I think I'm getting used to it. I used to be all panicky and stressed out when a test and a presentation stared me right in the eye, but after the victorious attempts at completing my readings and tutorials in time for the past week, I think I should do fine.

Nonetheless, I must continue to make full use of time to really finish everything I'm supposed to read.

I haven't prepared for business law lecture tomorrow, neither have I finish up on an e-lecture on accounting. These are just two of the numerous things on my mind for this weekend.

This probably will translate to a stay-home weekend again. I need that amount of time... I'm really, seriously afraid that things will snowball and I might break down at a critical week.

Besides, exams are a mere two months plus away. Time to get into the high gear.

A friend of mine sleeps 4 hours a day and is still able to concentrate on her studies. I wonder if I can do it too. But after falling to the temptation of afternoon naps every day, I think that's a pretty hard thing to do. The most I can do... probably lessen my sleeping hours at night.

And yes, stay off my MacBook more.

And I'm starting to see pretty girls in NTU again.

Okay, that was an angry post. Too angry, in fact.

Now that I have cool down after focusing on my presentation for next week, I think it's time for some revelations.

I think you were right on the part I was being used.

Relationship problems. I hate this part of her. I love this part of her. She can't let go. She thinks everything's her fault.

Racial and religious discrimination.

Civil law suits.

Vulgarities.

Jealousy and ego.

So much hatred. I'm kind of sick of this world.

The way I see things now, I don't see the better side of people. I see the worst in them. And secretly, I think they all deserve it. I think I should give up on helping other people, and let the system take care of them.

There's no love in me now. I'm angry, pissed and disappointed at how life turned out to be one big ironic circus.